well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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