literally had 100 drinks last night.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
