I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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