She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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