bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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