Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
