First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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