I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
