He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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