Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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