Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
zippers are such a cool invention
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
