I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize