New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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