the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
