i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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