i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
porn star boner night. come get it.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
