Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I will pee on everything he values.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
