tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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