so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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