Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
it was like eating out sand paper
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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