You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
