im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
