I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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