It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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