you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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