Cold hands, warm shart.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Acid is not a monday night drug
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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