Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize