Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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