sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
