oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He? As in you personified your dick?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
