I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
