He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
