I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
