I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
