i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
