I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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