You can't special order awesome
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
