Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
