i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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