i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Say something about gay babies.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
