What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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