I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
