So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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