I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
