A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
