you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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