did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
