and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
