I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
well, you know. whores of a feather.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize