And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
