I accidentally had phone sex last night
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
