I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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