i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
