EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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