you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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