What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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