I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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