first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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