I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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