I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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