I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
