I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
