well I can't set my house on fire every night
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
