There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
