Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
