yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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