She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
