What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I think people are normalizing furries
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