but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
