how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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