I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
