I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
