apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I fill condoms, not promises.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
