She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
