omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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