That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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