When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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