I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
