I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
