apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
