We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize