I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize