Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
