TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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