btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
