do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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