It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
